today i have been thinking about a quote from john updike's the witches of eastwick that i like a lot:
"we must lighten ourselves to survive. we must not cling. safety lies in lessening, in becoming random and thin enough for the new to enter."
as i've been walking around riga, latvia, where i arrived this morning after a weird twelve hours in the helsinki airport, i have been thinking about all the things i've had to - we've all had to - discard along the way to become who we are. all the things we have tried that didn't work out were easy throw-aways, but there are also so many things we tried and loved and had to discard nonetheless to get where we're going. like, in my case, there's music: i've given up on the cello, which i was never very good at, and the piano, which i was, and the guitar, which i never gave a real chance, and the dream of drums, which never even materialized (now i've got myself a concertina, and as soon as i can use my left hand again, i'm gonna give it a go). then, all the sports, my gosh, and diving in particular, which turns you at once into a bird and a fish, owning for a few second two elements that don't belong to bipeds. horses and soccer will never really be gone, but even those are gone for the time being. and that's just the beginning. anyway, you always wonder what if... and why did we choose what we chose? whatever. these are just my thoughts rambling out while i take a break....and i'm sure i was really thinking of this quote because i was wishing i was lessening my load, thinking that one is better fit to allow 'the new to enter' when they don't have like five thousand pounds on their back. for example, i am sure i would have enjoyed that cathedral more if i didn't have my whole big backpack with me, but i'm not meeting up with my new couchsurfing hosts until this evening so i have no place to stash it for the time being. i wish i were more like johnny cash: "I ain't takin' nothin' that'll slow down my travelin' while I'm untanglin' my mind." but alas, it is impossible to travel lightly - no matter how few clothes you packed - when you are lugging camera gear. this will forever be the bane of my backpacking existence. and, in the end, the point of all this is that it really is extremely enjoyable! i am indeed "gone as a wild goose in winter," and i envy the turtles.
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1 comment:
i LOVE it, beeke, beautiful post, darling, and so astute... it seems that quote is the basis of our existence, at this age, in this place... how often do we pile on new identities in far-off places, how often do we return and try to incorporate those into our daily lives... but how can we tell when we need to let them go, or hold on for more...?
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